An Irish sunrise

Dia dhuit ar maidin,
Good morning Gentle Reader,

If nothing else we Irish can spot a good laugh at a hundred paces. if you have ever listened to a Dubliner or a Corkonian in every day speech you would understand just how the English language is enriched by their pronunciation and application of every day words. When I was growing up I used to think the arthritis was named after someone called Arthur as it was commonly referred to as "Arthuritis". So I guess that some of the explanations below could well have come from some Dub with a sense of humour or maybe an Ulsterman with their "Barium"




An Irishman went into a pizza parlour in Dublin.

The waiter said: "Would you like you pizza cut in six of eight slices, sir?"

"Make it six, I don’t think I can eat eight."


The Maguire twins had never known the likes before. Only two hours fishing and already the boat was full to overflowing with mackerel.

'Begod, we've struck a rare spot here,' said Mick. 'We must somehow try to remember this exact location for future reference.'

'Why don't we put an 'x' on the back of the boat so we'll know it exactly?' ventured Pat.

'No good,' said his brother. 'We may not get the same boat next time!'


There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time.Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project. Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with turpentine.

Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the lawn.

Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

Feicfidh me go luath thu,
See you soon
Denis O'Callaghan

News from Ireland

ECONOMY CONTINUES TO BOOM DESPITE GLOOMY FORECASTS

The new worth of Irish citizens has been estimated
at EURO 150,000 per head, which puts Ireland near
the top of the international 'wealth league table',
second only to Japan. The economic boom of the last
decade has created over 30,000 m-illionaires, with
net worth increasing by over 350% in the last 10
years. The recent report by Bank of Ireland which
published the new data alludes to the willingness
of Irish people to take risks as one of the reasons
why so many people have done so well.

All is not so rosy in the property market however.
Despite the sustained growth in house prices in
recent years the willingness of banks to offer 100%
m-ortgages, interest-free m-ortgages and 35 and 40
year terms on loans is creating a possible future
crisis in the Irish economy. It is now estimated
that as many as 40% of all new m-ortgage loans are
100% loans, often to investors. 35-year terms are
now considered the norm.

Despite the warnings house prices continue to
forge upwards. Should the property market take a
big hit then the construction boom that has
fuelled the economy would suffer a severe
downturn.

GDP grew by 5.5% in 2005 and this figure is
expected to be matched in 2006. Inflation at 3.9%
continues to be a worrying concern. The release
of over 15 B-illion Euro into the economy in the
first half of 2007 is expected to create jobs on
the one hand, but also to drive price inflation
up, which will result in employee pay demands
which will reduce competitiveness. There is an
overall consensus among economists that, once the
construction boom slows down then there will be
a serious and perhaps sudden reduction in
employment.

FOREIGN WORKERS FLOCK INTO IRISH ECONOMY

The number of workers from outside Ireland, mostly
from eastern Europe, has reached record levels.
Over 65,000 workers from Poland and the other new
EU states were registered in the first half of
2006. Of the near quarter m-illion who have boosted
the workforce in the last 2 and a half years only
2000 are claiming unemployment benefits.

GOVERNMENT MAY PUBLISH EXAM RESULT LEAGUE TABLES

Despite opposition from the Teacher Unions the
Irish Government may copy the UK example and
publish exam 'league tables' that show which
are the best performing schools. The Irish
Department of Education is opposed to the idea
and has thus far successfully managed to block
such publication of exam results.

It is argued that the release of the information
would highlight schools who are under-resourced.

SALE OF AER LINGUS IS APPROVED

The autumn sale of Aer Lingus has been approved
with the Government set to retain a controlling
stake in the national airline. Staff unions are
gearing up for a fight having warned the
government that any public flotation will not
take place without their approval.

UK SET TO BUILD NEW NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS

The UK government has decided to greatly expand
the number o nuclear power stations with plans
for 12 new facilities expected to be announced
shortly. The Irish government is already engaged
in legal action to try to get Sellafield closed.
The proximity of the controversial power station
to the Irish coastline has always been a bone of
contention between the two countries.

The British Ambassador to Ireland has been
informed in no uncertain terms of the number of
concerns that the Irish government has in relation
to nuclear energy on the British mainland. Irish
Taoiseach Bertie Ahearn has previously described
Sellafield as the single biggest threat to Ireland.

Plans for a nuclear power plant in Wexford were
scuppered in the late 1970s. It is unclear how the
Irish public would react today to any new plan to
install a nuclear power plant in Ireland, given the
global concerns over climate change. Those in
favour of nuclear power in Ireland point out that
Ireland already uses some nuclear-generated
electricity by way of the inter-connect to the
British power grid.

PRAYER BOOK FOUND IN BOG

The ancient prayerbook that has been recovered
from an Irish bog is being hailed as one of the
greatest archeological discoveries ever made in
this country.

The Psalter, or Book of Psalms, was found in a
Midlands bog where peat was being milled. It has
been described by the National Museum of Ireland as
the Irish equivalent of the Dead Sea Scrolls. The
1200 year old manuscript is written in Latin on
calf-skin 'pages' and will take up to 3 years to
restore.


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