An Irish sunrise

Dia dhuit ar maidin,
Good morning Gentle Reader,

If nothing else we Irish can spot a good laugh at a hundred paces. if you have ever listened to a Dubliner or a Corkonian in every day speech you would understand just how the English language is enriched by their pronunciation and application of every day words. When I was growing up I used to think the arthritis was named after someone called Arthur as it was commonly referred to as "Arthuritis". So I guess that some of the explanations below could well have come from some Dub with a sense of humour or maybe an Ulsterman with their "Barium"




An Irishman went into a pizza parlour in Dublin.

The waiter said: "Would you like you pizza cut in six of eight slices, sir?"

"Make it six, I don’t think I can eat eight."


The Maguire twins had never known the likes before. Only two hours fishing and already the boat was full to overflowing with mackerel.

'Begod, we've struck a rare spot here,' said Mick. 'We must somehow try to remember this exact location for future reference.'

'Why don't we put an 'x' on the back of the boat so we'll know it exactly?' ventured Pat.

'No good,' said his brother. 'We may not get the same boat next time!'


There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time.Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project. Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with turpentine.

Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the lawn.

Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

Feicfidh me go luath thu,
See you soon
Denis O'Callaghan