When Irish eyes are smiling

In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs.
Sir John Pentland Mahaffy

Well, Gentle Reader,
I see that whenever I speak of things more serious than the color of Brinity Spears underwear many of our loyal readers head for the nearest pub to drown their intelligence in a pint of black (Irish beer to you uninitiated).
I spoke with one of our neighbors who told me “I don’t claim to be religious” I replied “Neither do I”, “I don’t like to argue religion of politics” To which I replied “Do you mean to tell me that you allow some to reach in your pocket and help themselves to whatever money you have and then say ‘do what you want with my hard earned money” “Well, no of course not!” Then I said “Then you must be interested however slight in politics, because that’s what politicians’ do if you don’t keep a dog in the henhouse the wolves will steal you blind!” “And as to arguing religion you don’t need to worry about where you end up if you have bought your ticket before hand!”
So with those thought running around in my head and now in yours, Gentle reader, how about some thought on the lighter side of the church pew?

Sister Mary Catherine (of the Irish sisters of perpetual mercy from county Cork) , who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her the only gas can he owned had been loaned out but she could
wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank Sean and Murphy watched from across the street. Murphy them turned to Sean and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!"

IF you planing to travel to Ireland soon you might want to consider:
LUTHERAN AIRLINES, INC.

If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in the same boat on Lutheran Air, where flying is an uplifting experience. There is no First Class on any Lutheran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls, 7-15 bring a salad, 16-21 a main dish, and 22-30 a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.
1. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met. Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599. Okay then, listen up: I'm only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so will Captain Olson because we fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably
indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I wouldn't bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes.
Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest with you, we're going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet... sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying the Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to the part about forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but what can you do?
The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere with the plane's navigational system, which is seat of the pants all the way... no, it's because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mouth on the side of your head. We're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with the coffee pot up front. Then we'll have the hymn sing... hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours with you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!
Right now I'll say Grace... "Come Lord Jesus be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son and Holy Ghost, may we land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen."
That’s all for today I must go before my Irish cream cheese muffins burn!
Love,
Denis